At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They can:

• Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special recognition or treatment.
• Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.
• React with rage or contempt and try to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior.
• Have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior.
• Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.
• Withdraw from or avoid situations in which they might fail.
• Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection.
• Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure.

So what does narcissism have to do with overeating?

As someone who has been coaching people for over 25 years, I have seen many patterns around narcissism and how it affects overeating. 

First, are the people who have been victims of narcissistic parenting and abuse. Many of my clients come from narcissistic families. In narcissistic families, there is a pattern of either emotional neglect, abuse, excessive criticism, or parental enmeshment, where the child is helicoptered and over-controlled. Or there may be a mixture of both of these going on. Some children of narcissists are put on a pedestal, overpraised as special, and worshipped.

There is a hierarchy in narcissistic families. Children are assigned roles. 

The Golden Child

First, there is a Golden Child, a favorite who can do no wrong. This child makes the parents and family look good. Unfortunately, they aren’t loved for themselves. They’re loved for how they make the family feel and look. They are expected to uphold the family image and make them proud at all costs. If dad was a lawyer, they are expected to be a lawyer too, even if that’s not what they really want. 

This child feels huge pressure to succeed at all costs. They know deep down that they’re not loved for themselves, which makes them feel insecure. This child may say they had a great childhood, but believe they are only as good as how they perform and produce. They become workaholics and overachievers. The Golden Child tends to become an entitled narcissist. They may be arrogant, feel special, and think they’re better than others. Underneath the grandiose exterior lies a deep sense of unworthiness.

When a narcissist gives birth, they want a little mini-me. When the child proves to be very different, well then they are assigned the next role…

The Scapegoat

The family Scapegoat is also called the Black Sheep.  This child is different in some way. They may be quiet, introverted, sensitive, and be an empath, not a narcissist. They become the person that the family dumps all their unwanted feelings on. This child gets bullied and blamed for all the dysfunction and problems in the family. This leads to very low self-esteem, depression, eating disorders, anxiety, and even self-harming behaviors. The family says, “If it weren’t for so and so, we’d be the perfect family.”

Often, the Scapegoat is the emotionally healthiest of the bunch and when older, will break away from the family, seek healing, and live a life far away from the narcissism of the family. Sometimes roles will be reversed: a Golden Child will have a fall from grace and become a Scapegoat, and a Black Sheep will do something the family approves of and becomes the Golden Child. 

The Lost Child

The Lost Child is the ignored one. This child usually doesn’t make much of fuss. They quietly do what they're told, keep their distance from the family drama, and don’t rock the boat much, therefore they don’t get much attention. Their needs and feelings are ignored, making them feel lost. They spend a lot of time alone in their bedrooms. They suffer from loneliness and isolation, prone to depression and anxiety. They grow up not knowing who they are and find themselves drifting through life. They have a great sense something is missing and it is: their true self. 

Caretaker/Enabler:

This child is mommy’s or daddy’s little helper. This child is often parentified, having to play little adult to an immature parent. This child takes on the role of caring for the narcissist's emotional needs, often at the expense of their own, and may enable the narcissist's behavior by covering up their actions or defending them. 

On an emotional level, they must give up themselves to be loved by their parents. They may even become a surrogate spouse to the parent. This results in enmeshment, poor boundaries, and not knowing who they are or their real needs. This sets up the pattern for a lifetime of codependence and caretaking of others. This child usually has empathy and with a lot of inner work can heal and recover their true selves. 

These are the main roles in a narcissistic family. In a narcissistic family, the main focus is on satisfying the narcissistic parent’s needs. Children's needs and wants must always take a back seat to this. 

Children exist to enhance the parent’s image or to help regulate the emotions of the parents. Children are not affirmed, seen, or loved for who they are and can become narcissists themselves to survive. Because the children in the family don’t get their emotional needs such as affection, attention, love, and nurturing met, children don’t learn how to self-soothe and regulate their emotions and must find a way to cope. 

This often leads children to turn to food, and/or other substances to help soothe their emotions and fill their needs for safety, comfort, and nurturance. Food becomes the “emotional teddy bear” that never leaves them; the one constant comfort in their lives. 

Long after they leave their homes of origin, children from narcissistic parents feel a deep emptiness inside. At heart, because of a lack of nurturing and being emotionally wounded, many are still emotional children, stuck at earlier stages in their development. They know something is missing or wrong but can’t quite put their finger on it. They look to the external to fill the deep hole inside of themselves: overachieving, overeating, attention, relationships, material goods, etc., and yet nothing truly satisfies for long.

© 2025. Catherine L. Taylor

References:

Symptoms of Narcissism: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662