If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.
—Ram Dass
There’s nothing like the holidays to stir up memories: some pleasant, and some not so pleasant. And there’s nothing like family to push your buttons and make you regress and fall into familiar patterns and roles. And for many of us, when that happens, we dive bomb into the nearest plate of food!
Heck, when I go home, my family treats me like I’m somewhere between 16 and 20 years old. They call me Cathy (I cringe when called that). I haven’t been Cathy for over 30 years but I’m still little Cathy to them. Even though I’ll be 62 in January, no one seems to notice I'm all grown up.
Nobody has the perfect family; they’re all a bit dysfunctional in one way or another. The key to sanity is to focus on the fun instead of the funk in the dysfunction. It helps to remind yourself that the holidays are only once a year and your life will be returning to normal very soon.
This is where detachment comes in. Detachment means we can love and care for those around us but we don’t let ourselves get pulled into their drama or issues. It means that when someone pushes our buttons or says something that could create conflict, we don’t take the bait. In order to do this, we have to let go of being right and be committed to keeping the peace for the sake of family harmony and our own sanity.
The late, great Wayne Dyer said it best: “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”
So the next time dotty old Aunt Tilly asks you why you’re not married yet or why you don’t have children, or even worse, notices you’ve put on some extra weight, imagine yourself wearing a Teflon shield and imagine her comments bouncing right off you.
Smile and say you’ve just been too busy to care or even think about such things and then move on to the next relative, or excuse yourself and head to the loo. Then take a few deep breaths and let it go.
In the grand scheme of things, just how important is this?
A week from now you probably won’t even care.
P. S. If you're ready to make some changes in how you approach food and your life, I offer a free consultation. Contact Me!
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