My fat cells have a memory like Einstein! I'm proof that surgery is not a magic potion. There are many ways to sabotage it. -Carnie Wilson 

When starting a new weight loss program or diet, many of us start out hopeful and excited and within a few days or weeks, we notice ourselves engaging in acts of self-sabotage. This leads to feelings of despair and distrust. Why oh why do we say we want one thing and yet do another? It's as if we're two people who want different things and war ensues.

Self-sabotage happens because consciously we may want to lose weight and/or recover from emotional eating but there are underlying needs, self-limiting beliefs, fears, and motivations that aren't in alignment with our stated goal. This requires awareness and some self-reflection to root out what these factors are and how they are operating in our lives.

Here are some of the most common reasons for self-sabotage:

• Fear of change - Self-sabotage helps to keep us safe and cozy in our comfort zone.
• Hidden payoffs - The behavior we want to change is serving us in some way, e.g. eating to soothe our emotions.
• Lack of self-confidence - We don't believe we have what it takes to reach our goal.
• Perfectionism - We fear making mistakes or mistakenly believe we must do it perfectly.
• Unrealistic expectations - We expect it to be easy and give up when it's not.
• Lack of patience - We expect it to happen tomorrow and we don't have the patience to deal with obstacles and setbacks.
• Procrastination - We have a dieting mindset and believe that in order to lose weight we must deprive and punish ourselves; of course we don't want that, so we put it off.
• Feelings of Unworthiness - We believe we don't deserve to have what we want or we don't believe it's possible for us. If we do manage to get it, we sabotage it because it's not congruent with our feelings of unworthiness. 

So how can you change your self-sabotaging ways?

1. Get clear on how self-sabotage manifests in your life and what triggers it. Find better ways to respond. For example, if you find yourself indulging on junk food at home, don't bring it into the house. Find healthier options to snack on. If you find you can't keep to a diet, look at the diet: maybe you're trying to follow something that's too strict and depriving and it's backfiring on you. Or maybe you're not ready to lose weight; you're just telling yourself you should. Wait until you're truly ready and willing to make the changes.

 2.  If you lack confidence in your abilities, ask yourself why. Have you failed repeatedly? You need to look at the reasons why. Maybe it's your methods or maybe you expect too much from yourself. Maybe you need to work on your patience or perfectionism. Get clear on what's really holding you back.

 3. When faced with self-sabotage, mistakes and failure you need to ask yourself some questions.

• What is it that I believe to be true about myself in this situation?
• How is this belief limiting me? What other more empowering belief could I adopt?
• Am I confident I can achieve what I want? If not, why?
• What can I learn from this?
• What would be a better way to respond in this situation?
• What might I say to a friend in the same situation?
• How can I do better next time?
• Are my goals and thinking realistic?
• Am I setting my sights too high or too low?
• How can I reframe this situation so that I can see it in a positive light?

These are empowering questions to ask. These questions lead to solutions, not feelings of inadequacy and failure. 

Begin to notice what you tell yourself when you slip, make a mistake, encounter obstacles, or have a temporary setback. What kind of story do you tell yourself? Is it empowering or is it negative, victimizing, and self-defeating? 

Reframe negatives into positives by using affirmations. Each time you catch yourself, turn it around. You will feel so much better and you will develop the momentum and courage to keep moving forward.

When I examine and overcome my hidden motivations, fears, and limiting beliefs, I become a united front and an unbeatable force for good in the world.