Many people pleasers come from narcissistic families. These families are often highly critical and fault finding or the child is lavishly praised and given a sense they can do no wrong. Each are equally damaging in different ways.
The former gives the child a sense of being defective and not being good enough and the latter feeds a grandiose, unrealistic sense of self, and a sense of entitlement. Both of these attitudes can drive the need for people pleasing, approval and validation.
If you suffer
from being a people pleaser, the first thing you need to do is get acquainted with yourself so that you can become more internally focused. This means spending time on your own in solitude in order to find the things that please you and you alone.
People pleasers often find it very difficult to be alone because without
someone to please or take their cues from, they feel lost and/or unmotivated.They tend to value themselves for what they do for others, so they often don't feel like they're worth putting any effort towards.
Unfortunately, no one else can give you a sense of self. It comes from learning who you really are and what you really want.
You need to ask yourself: What excites you? What fills you with passion and purpose? What lights you up and makes your life living?
If you weren’t spending all your time pleasing and focusing on others what would you be doing with your life?
Are you currently doing any of these things? Why not?
As a young person in my 20's, I was a people pleaser and overeater. Later, I realized that a lot of my eating and people pleasing were so that I could avoid having a relationship with myself.When I found my purpose and calling in life, I no longer felt a need to engage in endless escape and avoidance behaviors.
If you relate to any of this, you owe it to yourself to begin to honor
your own needs and make yourself a priority in your own life, otherwise, you will only feed a growing sense of self-loathing, resentment, and emptiness. You will be plagued with the feeling that something is missing from your life and you will be right - what's missing is you.
Blessings,
