Hi ,

People who eat emotionally are reactive. They react to external stimuli and then reach for an external solution: food. To overcome emotional eating, you must become more internally focused and self-reflective. To do this, you need to develop the observer self. 

The observer self helps you step back and observe emotions and thoughts nonjudgmentally without being overwhelmed. This brings emotional clarity. Most people think they are their thoughts. This isn’t true; you aren’t your thoughts or emotions. The observer is the awareness behind the thoughts. 

Instead of saying “I am angry,” you recognize “I am experiencing anger,” which creates space for choice. You then have the choice to respond differently to your emotion of anger or whatever emotion you’re experiencing. The observer self helps you distinguish between impulsive reactions and thoughtful actions aligned with your values. 

It allows you to step back and ask, “Is this aligned with what I truly want?”  “What can I do to take care of myself in this situation besides overeat?”

This detachment helps you avoid being defined by transient inner states, which is critical in overcoming emotional eating, anxiety, depression, or addiction. Without the ability to self-reflect, you will simply react, overeat, and afterwards ask yourself, “Why did I eat all that?” This will keep you stuck in a cycle of overeating, self-recrimination, shame, dieting, etc. 

Observing yourself from a nonjudgmental stance allows you to be kinder to yourself, especially when dealing with mistakes or setbacks. You learn to see failures or setbacks as simply information that allows you to adjust your behavior accordingly. 

Here’s an exercise to help develop the observer self. This is an exercise from my "How You do Food is How You do Life 12 Week Self-Paced Emotional Eating Program.  Regularly $297, now $147, including over $300 in bonuses! Includes 2 free private coaching sessions with me!

Leaves On a Stream Exercise

Observer Self Exercise: "Leaves on a Stream"

Duration: 5–10 minutes

Setting: Quiet place, seated comfortably

Step-by-Step:

Get Grounded

Sit comfortably, close your eyes if you like, and take a few deep breaths.

Notice your body sitting, your feet touching the floor, and your breath moving in and out.

Visualize a Stream

Imagine you’re sitting beside a gentle stream. Leaves float by on the water—one at a time.

Watch Your Thoughts

Each time a thought comes to mind—whether it’s a word, image, memory, or feeling—imagine placing it on a leaf.

Watch it float down the stream. Don’t try to push it away or hold onto it. Just notice it, place it on a leaf, and let it drift.

Return to Watching

If your mind wanders or you get caught up in a thought, gently bring your attention back to the stream.

It’s okay—just notice that you were caught and return to observing.

Finish Gently

After a few minutes, let go of the image. Take a breath, wiggle your fingers and toes, and open your eyes.

This exercise trains you to observe thoughts without fusion—a core skill for building the observer self. Over time, this helps you recognize that you are the awareness behind your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.

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